


When There's No Secure Land Under your Feet, You Fall

by nyctea62442 (pandacchi)



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-24
Updated: 2010-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-24 09:13:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/261635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandacchi/pseuds/nyctea62442
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jin can't quite explain it in words, but whenever he thinks of Kame he  feels this little leap in his chest, like the one you get in that moment  when you're about to fall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When There's No Secure Land Under your Feet, You Fall

  
Jin misses Kame in a strange way. He misses a lot of things about Japan when he's in America, like his Mom, his Father's weird mails, like sleeping over at Pi's, his friends, the clubs. There are things he misses quite a lot and things he just manages to get through without, but there's just something special about the way he misses Kame.  
Jin can't quite explain it in words, but whenever he thinks of Kame he feels this little leap in his chest, like the one you get in that moment when you're about to fall; it lasts a few seconds but it's enough to make him feel slightly sick and to make him realise that indeed the way he misses Kame is quite unique. More than 'missing' he feels as though he's _lacking_ of something.

It's not like it happens often though, not as much as you'd think. He has a lot of friends with him, a whole lot of things to do, songs to sing, shows to play. But _sometimes_ yes, something would suddenly remind him of Kame and there it goes, the little leap.  
Everytime this happens he tells himself he's going to mail Kame or something, because he's sure that if he talks to him this strange miserable feeling will go away, but he never does. He doesn't forget to, he just doesn't want to; he wonders how is it possible to want and not _want_ to do something at the same time.  
He tells himself it's because in the end, he doesn't miss Kame that much; but sometimes he wonders if it's because he misses him a little bit _too_ much.

A lot of times, Kame scares the shit out of Jin. The way Kame knows him, it terrifies him. Kame knows how to get him, where to push him, the right way to cheer him up, knows exactly what to say and the right thing to do and he never fails, never.  
It's not like with Pi, of course Pi knows him too: he knows Jin in ways no other friends of his does. With him, it's more like _understanding_ and it's completely mutual.  
One the other hand, Kame just _knows_ him, and Jin really doesn't get it. So he pushes him away. He really does not do it on purpose, it just happens and he realises he's done it only after, when he feels that little leap again. But no matter how many times Jin pushes him away, Kame is always _always_ there, to take Jin back, to say the right thing, to reassure him in a way Jin doesn't quite know how to explain. And it's so damn scary, especially because Jin realises just how much he needs it.  
But despite himself, he still pushes Kame away as much as he can. He really doesn't understand why he does it, but there's a little nagging voice inside of his head that keeps telling him that sooner or later, Kame will be fed up of it all, that he will eventually give up on Jin.  
Jin really doesn't want that, at all. The thought of Kame not being there anymore takes a little bit his breath away.

When he is on the plane, he tells himself he would call Kame immediately after Mom and Pi, but in the end he doesn't, and it kind of slips off his mind. He doesn't get to see him until two weeks later.  
It's Kame that mails him: it's a stupid mail, one that tells him to please not go clubbing in Roppongi today, because he's seen the paparazzi already posted there in the afternoon, and oh right, welcome back Akanishi!:). It's so _normal_ , that Jin is almost overwhelmed by it.  
He mails him back, telling him that thanks, he wasn't planning to anyway and if Kame was free, they could grab some take-out ramen and eat at Jin's place so Kame could tell him how is he doing.  
Jin feels a little bit dizzy in the afternoon because he expects to fuck things up, after all the thinking he's done. As it turns out, the night is anything but what Jin was expecting: everything's so _fine_ that Jin wants to laugh at himself. They fall in their same old routine, they laugh together, tease each other, Jin tells him about funny things that happened during the tour and how he felt performing for MTV and Kame tells him about Koki's and Taguchi's birthdays and the new CM they've been casted for. Jin doesn't even feel that normal sense of relief you usually feel when you see someone you've been missing; he really doesn't understand this, but he finds himself not caring anymore, what's important is that nothing's changed after all, not in him and neither in Kame.

It's only later that night, after they've ran out of topics and Kame has stolen from him a promise to drop by KAT-TUN's photoshoot next week and he has left, that Jin finds himself tossing and turning in his duvet, questioning himself and Kame all over again, feeling that little leap in his chest.  
Right now he feels so terrified about nothing, that he needs to do something about it.

 **To:** Kame  
 **Subject:** I know this sounds stupid but...

Don't give up on me, please.

  
 **To:** Akanishi  
 **Subject:** What the hell are you talking about?

You're not a _challenge_ for me to give up on.

  
Jin doesn't reply because he feels really really stupid. But somehow Kame's reassured him again in that special way only Kame can.  
He smiles and finally falls asleep.


End file.
